Alamitos Bay Yacht Club publishes tongue-in-cheek Notice of Race for regatta

LONG BEACH—Alamitos Bay Yacht Club will be hosting the Boxing Day Pursuit Race on Dec. 28, and the regatta’s organizers had a little fun with the Notice of Race publication. Much of the notice was written in tongue-in-cheek, light-heartedly describing the boats eligible to compete, light penalty for late entry fees and other event instructions.

The regatta is open to all boats, “especially those that float, with or without a Portsmouth yardstick,” according to the Notice of Race.

Also permitted to participate in the regatta, according to the facetious Notice of Race: “Cape Cod Frosty’s, Sabot’s, Optimists, CFJ’s, C420, Lido’s, Laser’s, C-15’s, Snipe’s, CAL 20’s, Etchells, F-31 Trimarans, CAL 40’s, [and] back yard specials.”

“For boats not having a Portsmouth yardstick one will be invented,” the Notice of Race continued.

Entries can only be submitted in person or online. Alamitos Bay YC will not accept entries via mail, sax, smoke signals or semaphore.

“Online entries will be accepted until 1812 on the day immediately preceding the regatta,” the Notice of Race stated.

Only one class will be established, though there will also be sub-classes of boats with similar characteristics.

“Sub-classes may include: Boats with Heads, Boats with Beds, etc.,” the Notice of Race stated. “Entry fees is $15 if paid before December 25th, $16 if paid after.”

The race course will be a pursuit, which is an inverted/reverse start. Racing will take place in Alamitos Bay.

“Naples Sabot’s warning signal will be at 1255ish, Formula 18 Cat’s at 1400ish and everyone else somewhere in-betweenish,” the Notice of Race stated. “The finish will be at 1530ish.”

There will be a notice board placed somewhere near the Race Entry Room, though organizers at Alamitos Bay YC really aren’t taking this portion of the regatta seriously.

“Nothing of significance will be posted as the majority of sailors will walk straight past it as usual,” the Notice of Race stated.

Any changes to sailing instructions, according to the Notice of Race, would be “arbitrary, unpremeditated and incomprehensible to all concerned.”

“They will probably not be divulged to competitors,” the Notice of Race continued about any changes to Sailing Instructions.

There will be a competitors’ meeting – and, yes, the Notice of Race poked fun here, as well.

“If the race officer has nothing more interesting to do, [a competitors’ meeting] will be held on the ABYC patio at 1200ish,” the Notice of Race stated.

The scoring process was also mocked in the Notice of Race.

“The Race Officer will award or deduct points based on the degree of cooperation shown, number of silly questions directed at him, general congeniality of the skipper and number of crew persuaded to participate, and gifts received,” the Notice of Race stated. “Boats which get this combination wrong will not win any prizes.

“The first shall be first and the last shall be last,” the Notice of Race continued. “One (1) race constitutes a series. Pretty obvious huh!”

Some other tongue-in-cheek comments within the Boxing Day Pursuit Race notice:

• “In these politically correct times classes have been abolished, so as not to be discriminatory. The Race Officer will grab the nearest rag and throw it up.”
• Racing Areas: “Where possible, these will be on the water.”
• Official Boats: “Whatever can be made to float and work on the day.”
• Support Boats: Ditto Official Boats above. All support boats, including coach and spectator boats, are encouraged.”
• Trophies/Prizes: “If you win you will be be famous, and if that is not enough a very large insignificant well used trophy will be presented to the winner.”
• Protests: “It’s Christmas what happened to the Christmas spirit! We advise against protests.”
• Launching: “Two hoists, one of 3,000 lbs. capacity, another of 5,000 lbs. capacity for those who ate too many holiday treats, and a dinghy ramp are available. Every bout using a hoist must have it’s own INTERNAL sling.”
• Liability: “The Race Officer shall not be blamed for anything.”
• Liability: “If you drink out of the hose in the yard and get sick, it’s not our fault.”
• Safety: “ABYC recommends that all competitors wear personal flotation devices, previously known as lifejackets until some attorney had them renamed.”

Please forgive any grammatical errors cited in portions of the Notice of Race quoted in this article.

Visit abyc.org for more information about Boxing Day Pursuit Race.